Cancer Part 2: Deteriorating Health of My Father-in-Law

My father-in-law’s health condition was generally fine at the time of retiring as a government school teacher in 1990.

In 1993, he served as a clerk in a Chinese association in Taiping (Perak). He had to attend many functions organized by the association and other local Chinese associations. In all these functions, all kinds of nice foods were served. Serious health problems began in mid 1995. Initially, he found that he had to wake up a few times after mid-night to urinate. Members of the association were of the opinion that it was normal for those approaching 60 years of age to face such urinary problem. They highlighted the cases of those having the same problem for 7 or 8 years but continue to live a normal life. It never crossed his mind that such a problem could lead to prostate cancer. He did not disclose the urinary problem to his wife, who was then staying with us in Kuala Lumpur. She had volunteered to look after our new-born daughter, Shin Jing.

Workload in the association increased. Chinese New Year was approaching. This was to be followed by the annual general meeting. April was the month for spring prayer and the prize- giving ceremony for students who excelled in their studies would take place in May. Other activities would follow after that. As the workload increased, so did the pressure. He is a man who would keep his feelings to himself rather than sharing them with others. My mother-in-law was not around, to at least listen to him. Even though they telephoned each other weekly, both of them were not aware, that a serious health problem was approaching.

He began to have less appetite for food. Loss of body-weight became obvious to others. Those meeting him, also commented that he did not have much energy, and pale compared to the past. Yet, he did not realize that cancer was forming in his body. Taking it rather lightly, he just visited the local clinics to get some medicines, when needed.

His physical health began to affect his mental health. He kept all the work and social pressure for too long. Small matters suddenly became big issues to him. He got angry easily and was full of complaints. The working environment at the association was depleting his energy reserves. There was no one around to listen to his grouses and feelings. Working in the association was by no means easy. As a clerk, he was expected to handle practically everything. These activities included internal administration, communication with other associations, arranging meetings, attending dinners, weddings and funerals, and visiting members at the hospitals. These activities required a lot of energy. His physical condition no longer enabled him to perform those tasks effectively.

As days passed, his health condition deteriorated. Walking from the office to a nearby bank, 200 meters away, became a problem. He had to stop and rest a few times, before reaching the destination. He spent double the usual amount of time, to complete the task, compared not long ago.

In the meantime, his urinary problem worsened. Each time, he had to spend 15 to 20 minutes waiting for a few drops of urine to come out. After coming back from the toilet, it was not too long before he wanted to urinate again. This was abnormal. He had urinary problem at night, in the recent past, but now dripping problem occurred during the day. During the night, the frequency of visiting the toilet increased. Every one to two hours, he woke up and visited the toilet, just waiting for a few drops of urine. The nights became a nightmare. So did the days. Urinating became a big hindrance. It was disturbing, physically and mentally, day and night. Such suffering, was difficult to be understood by others. Having no one to talk to, he endured all the suffering arising from the following.

Frequent urination, especially at night.
Hesitation before beginning to urinate.
Terminal dribbling.
An urgent need to urinate.
Weak urinary stream.
A feeling that the bladder is still full after urinating.

When he could no longer bear the suffering resulting from his deteriorating physical and mental health, he broke the news to his wife over the telephone. After persuasive insistence from his wife, he visited the local clinic for further check-ups and treatment. He was informed that it was normal for a man after 50 years of age, to have urinary problem. When one is ageing, such problems are normal. It was assumed that the bothersome urinary problem he experiencing, was simply a part of growing old. He was given medicines to improve his urinary system.

During this period, he had to bear the urinary problem, for the next month. Urinating took a longer time, and sometimes pain was present. Other than western medicine, traditional Chinese medicine and supplement, recommended by friends, were also consumed. His health condition did not improve, but the contrary. It lasted six months. Like most men with bothersome urinary problems, he suffered psychologically. He had to plan his daily activities around the availability of toilet facilities, at home or at work. The need to urinate frequently, made it impossible for him to get a good night’s sleep. He was also afraid of any possible surgery, if he were to seek medical treatment. By May 1996, he decided to visit the urologist, a doctor who specializes in diseases of the urinary tract, would check his prostate and provide him with an answer.